Adventures in Bedlam

Writing & Depression

I was desperately trying to think of a topic to write about today when this fell into my lap via RonHogan on Twitter:

Writing and Depression:  the Kiwiburger Conversation

I have long wanted to discuss my depression in relation to my writing/creativity, but it seems so difficult to put into words.  How does one even describe depression?  I'll start by answering a couple of the questions posed in the Kiwiburger blog.

1. What is depression?
To me depression is like hovering on the edge of a cliff that you are trying not to slip off of.  You use all of your mental (and sometimes physical) energy to stay on the edge and not fall.  It is exhausting, and you always feel like you're dangerously close to slipping.

As a chronically depressed person, I live very much in my head.  I am overly analytical and I have an active imagination.  I am also very introverted and though well-liked and on the outside, fairly sociable, my preference is to be by myself or with my husband.

I do not use writing as a coping mechanism.  For me writing is a compulsion that taunts me mercilessly.  It's like exercise.  The process itself is miserable, but the end result is worth it.

2. If you live with depression, how/when did you first realise it? Was there a formal diagnosis at some point?

I have lived with depression my whole life, or at least as long as I can remember.  When I was young, I staved it off by reading my favorite books over and over.  I reckon I've read Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret more times than anyone on the planet.

During college, my depression hit a fever pitch.  Already low on self-confidence, I found myself thrust into a new environment with no support system, no boundaries, and copious amounts of alcohol.  By the time I did build up that support system, I had already learned that alcohol was an effective, though temporary, form of self-medication.  Bad choices, lots of them, were made, particularly in the area of (shall we say) interpersonal relationships with boys.  Without a doubt, college was the worst four years of my life.

Review: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

The Spring Reading Challenge isn't even a week old and I've finished my first book: 

I more or less liked this novel from the beginning, although I use the caveat "more or less" because it took me awhile to get into--maybe 50 pages.  I never felt like quitting it though, and once I was "into it" I was hooked.

That doesn't mean I don't have criticisms of the book.  The main plot intrigued me well enough:  Mikael Bromkvist, a well-known journalist whose career is sidelined by a libel conviction, is hired by a wealthy old man named Henrik Vanger to write a history of his family and in the process, look into the mysterious disappearance of his niece Harriet in 1966.  Along the way, a private investigator/computer hacker named Lisbeth Salandar (and owner of said dragon tattoo) becomes involved when Bromkvist realizes she's hacked into his computer.  The two of them become an investigative team and it's them against Vanger family, most of whom are very anxious to drop the subject of Harriet's disappearance so many years ago.  There is a lot of "why can't we just move on" type dialogue on this point.

My two main problems with the novel are these:

1)  There are far too many members of the Vanger family to keep track of.  I like genealogy when it comes to my own family, but when it's someone else's family, especially in a suspense novel, too many characters are distracting and unnecessary.

2)  After the main plot is taken care of, the book goes back to the story that I found hard to get into in the first place and half-heartedly wraps it up in what essentially amounts to a series of email conversations.

I had one further problem with the novel that I won't go into detail on at the risk of spoiling anything.  But I found it annoying that women seemed to be so enthralled by Mikael Bromkvist that upon meeting him once or twice they were tearing their clothes off and seducing him.  As a reader, I certainly wasn't that taken with him and if you're going to make your hero a stud you had better make your reader believe it.  I suppose most male detectives get a lot of action, but in this case it made the female characters, which were otherwise intelligent women, somewhat vapid and the Bromkvist character passive and weak (although he was kind of like that in general, to be honest).

What then, did I find so compelling?  Well, like I said, the main plot was intriguing to me and although I found the number of characters distracting, it was not so much so that I didn't like the book.  I also found the book visually appealing.  I've never been to Sweden and I thought Larsson did a great job of creating a mood with his locations and descriptions.  I enjoyed the time Bromkvist spent in Hedesby and for the most part, I found the mystery to be interesting and suspenseful.  I will definitely read the next book in the Millenium series when it's available in July 2009.

My grade:  B-

Charming ID Bracelet

Don't ask me why, but I suddenly had the urge to make an ID bracelet for myself.  This was my project for Tuesday's jewelry studio time:

It's a very delicate bracelet, with not much in the way of bells and whistles.  As you can see, in addition to the name plate, I included two small circle charms with an M (for Mick) and an S (for Stuart).

It's sterling silver, and I gave it a satin finish and a handmade clasp.  Originally I was thinking I might make the chain by hand, but admittedly, that's a pretty long process and it seemed more practical to use pre-made chain.  In retrospect, I think that was the right choice because I could have never made chain this delicate anyway.

As I mentioned yesterday, Mick had his naturalization oath and is now an American citizen.  You can read about his experience here. 

Pretty Umbrella Motif

Skyline Chilly posted a very sweet Umbrella Motif on her blog on Monday:

 
Photo by Skyline Chilly

I can just see this simple image on the front of a light-weight spring sweater.  You can see some of her other motifs here, and you can buy her original knit patterns here.

In other news, Mick becomes a U.S. citizen today!  You can read about his naturalization interview here.

Casa West: Before & After Part I

We're getting refinanced and today an appraiser's coming to give us the value of our home.  As a result, Mick and I worked to get the place all spiffied up.  It also inspired me to look at some of the photos we took during the home inspection when we first bought the place.

We bought our condo in May 2000.  We knew we wanted to buy something, but at the time we were only half-heartedly looking.  One day after a Sunday lunch on Main Street, we happened upon an open house in the neighborhood and that was the first time we saw what was to be our new home.  Mick still remembers me pulling on the front of his t-shirt in one of the hallways saying "Mick, we have to buy this house!"

And we did.

It has gone through many changes since we got it.  The most significant change (at least visually) is the kitchen.  This is what it looked like when we first bought the place:

Nice enough, sure.  But the light wash on the cabinets just wasn't doing it for me.  This is how we change it:

I'm a dark wood kinda gal and the dark wood cabinets are much more striking (despite the fact that this isn't the best picture in the world).

Another before:

 

And after:

 

 

Monday Diversion: Holding Out for a Hero

Because there is not enough time-wasting material available on the Internet, I present you with this from the Hero Factory:

I am the Super Solderer, fast enough to make a diamond ring in a single three hour studio visit.  Check out my huge blow torch.

What special abilities would you have if you were a superhero?  If you make your own superhero, be sure to let me know, 'cause I want to see it.

Weekly Writing Wrap-Up 3/20

I'm very pleased.  My word count for the week was 4169.  I also made significant progress in outlining my chapters (which I find helped me actually write more) and sussing out my story.  I have always found it a challenge to incorporate my research with my writing but this week I seemed to have fallen into a groove.

Better yet, my total word count so far is 30,041. 

 
The Duke's Theatre, where Lucian Wilde's plays are produced

After a horrible start on Monday wherein I did nothing very useful, I was determined to make Tuesday productive.  Much of Tuesday was spent outlining chapters, which as I said above, really helped me move the story forward.  Wednesday through Friday was spent writing.

My biggest challenge continues to be an inability to see how this is going to end.  There are several possibilities.  Another challenge is taking what is really a very complicated political situation and explaining it so that it's entertaining.  I have now become a Popish Plot Geek, and the trouble with that is that it's easy to make assumptions that other people will know what I'm talking about.  Conversely, it's also easy to assume the reader needs to know everything, thus rendering my novel boring and unreadable.

I read an interview with David Liss today that perfectly voices my predicament:

"A lot of historical fiction makes the mistake of either not knowing how to effectively deploy research or feeling too beholden to actual, historical events in the script," he explains. "My feeling is that history makes for great history, but it doesn't necessarily make for great fiction, and that if you're writing a historical novel, the history needs to be driven by the things that make great novels. That history is there as a context and setting and background, but that it needs to be foremost a story about characters. A lot of it, I think, is… putting character before research.

"Of course, I'm not saying I make things up. But I feel there's a certain kind of historical novel that wants to basically novelize history; the novelization of historical events… It's a perfectly valid way of telling a story, and I have nothing against it, it's just that I don't do that."

When I'm not writing, I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about why I'm not writing.  One of the biggest reasons, I think, is feeling overwhelmed by this seemingly monumental task.  Outlining helps with this, but I am realizing an even bigger part of my writer's block is coming from a lack of clarity with the story itself.  I know what my characters want, kind of, but not to the extent that they are 100% real to me yet.

Useful Links:

Outlines:  Ruining the Fun Since Chapter One - From Deadline Dames via toniandrews

Guest Blogger Terry Brennan - via RachelleGardner, a first-time author describes the editing process

The Book Deal - Editor Alan Rinzler's blog about the publishing industry

Published Authors Deal with Insecurity - Author Lionel Shriver talks about her experiences with her seventh novel

What do your Characters Want? - A great post by Literary Agent Nathan Bransford

Let the Reading Begin!

It's time for the Spring Reading Challenge!  If you don't know what I'm talking about, read this.

The fun begins today, 3/21/09 and ends on 6/20/09.  And actually, I started The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (highly recommend) yesterday, so if there's something you're reading now, feel free to put it on your list.

Here is my final book list:

1)  The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

2)  Murder in the Latin Quarter by Cara Black

3)  Once Were Cops: A Novel by Ken Bruen

4)  The Memoirs of Cleopatra: A Novel by Margaret George

5)  The Shrine at Altamira by John L'Heureux

6)  Life of Pi by Yann Martell

7) Carter Beats the Devil by Glen David Gold

8)  My Anecdotal Life: A Memoir by Carl Reiner

9)  The Emperor of Ocean Park by Stephen L. Carter

10) A Dreadful Man - The Story of Hollywood's Most Original Cad, George Sanders by Brian Aherne

So far, we've got three official participants:

Me
Michael
Morgan

Mick, Michelle, and Julie have also indicated that they'd like to participate, so we have a good group here.  If you'd like to participate, post a comment here, post on your blog and send the link to me, or post it as a note on Facebook.  I'm really interested in seeing everyone's choices.

Frankly, I'll eat my hat (why do I love that phrase so much?) if I actually finish all of these books but I'm really going to try.

 

Note to Self

Always, always, use spell-check.  Seriously.  There is no excuse.

Why I Tweet (And You Should Too)

I joined Twitter around the same time I joined Facebook, but I never used it because, well, it didn't seem very useful to me.  At the time, I suppose it wasn't.  I only truly got interested in it in the last month, when John at This Young House posted this:

If you’ve noticed the “Tweet Nothings” widget on our sidebar, then you probably already know that we’re on Twitter. I’m the primary tweeter between the two of us, using it to share tidbits that aren’t quite full-post-worthy and keeping you updated when we’re on the move (like if we’ve just spotted a new deal while out shopping). We’d love to mutually follow more of you, so check us out here and click “follow” under our picture. No clue what Twitter is? Watch this to get you started.

I thought "Hey, that's not such a bad idea!  I'll try that myself."  I was intrigued by the concept of microblogging, and unlike Facebook, where I generally post drivel for all my friends to see, I planned to use Twitter in much the same way I use my blog.  To pass on information.

But Twitter really exploded for me when I read about something called #queryfail in Media Bistro's Galley Cat blog.  During #queryfail, agents and editors twittered their worst queries.  As someone who is writing their first novel but who has no experience with the publishing industry, I was completely interested.  I headed on over to Twitter and was "introduced" to a group of people who were entertaining, honest, knowledgeable, and best of all, willing to share information.

On any given day, I am treated to a selection of links as diverse as these:

Doris Lessing:  On Why Autobiography is Inevitably Untrue via Stephka, who writes The Crooked House

50 Reasons No One Wants to Publish Your First Book, via DanielLiterary

Insane Hiking Trail via EGDeedy (RT Zeblue_Prime and Maczter)

Novel Approach:  Undercover at Library via KevinRoose, an author whose book UNLIKELY DISCIPLE: A Sinner's Semester at America's Holiest University comes out this month.

Q & A with Literary Agent Michelle Brower via mariaschneider

What's the Hook?  The Art of the Pitch via joefinder, best selling author

I follow authors, literary agents, editors, book publicists--anyone who I think will post useful information for me to gobble up.  Right now, I'm pretty much in listening mode, but as I learn and find things to share, I will be more of an active participant.

To use a Twitter-appropriate analogy, I am like a baby bird with my beak wide open, waiting for its mommy to come back to the nest to feed me.  Feed me information!

Baby hummingbirds by T. Solis

Of course, I also follow crafty-types and DIYers because, ya know, that's in my blood.  Truth be told, however, those folks don't tweet near as often as the literary-types, so most of what I get out of twitter is in that vein.

Here's another good post on why Twitter is useful.

I leave you with a few twit-bits from Top 10 Tips for Twitter...And Life, via Bookgal:

1. Fluff and filler are no longer an option. Nobody has time/interest in reading them. Get to the point.

2. Be real. 140 chars is cut to the bone - you can’t wear a fake character on top and still fit.

3. Pick what’s important. You could use twitter to talk about your day down to the bowel movements, but then you’d have nobody following you. People follow you on twitter because what’s important to you is a match with what’s important to them, so share it!